BikerDoc R6

argh

2006-11-13T18:08:00.000-08:00

i don't like being around people who are constantly fronting their academic superb-ness. and what else do they do? nothing really.

i've met/lived with people who literally never go out of the house unless it's for studying/reading research papers/volunteering for medical school/studying. i figured in 5 years of college i'll have better luck than to be stuck with fellas of those sorts more than once, but, my people fortune ain't that great. simply put, i prefer "living" life and basing my opinions on personal experiences to just staying cooped up at home reading research/survey articles on... pretty much everything you can do outside.

it's just a rant tonight. eh, why not.

people with 4.0 gpa's still living with their parents, it's okay if that's the situation you were given, but please don't assume that life as you know it is an option for everyone else. that's just disrespectful. there are people who need to work full-time, take care of their sick parents, act as academic counselors to siblings, volunteer, go to classes AND study at the same time. and trust me, that's only the beginning. by the time we become doctors, we'll relate to people so much better than y'all. you-all. and that's something you won't pick up by schoolin'.

there. i feel a little better. now i'm going to take a nap and go to work.

the meaning of life

2006-10-30T04:16:00.000-08:00

i was gulping down my coffee (which, incidentally, i brewed so that it tastes like poison) when one of the ultrasound techs asked me a question:

-steve, what is the meaning of life?
-i wish i knew man.
-well, it's not staying up all night and chasing after imaging studies.
-fo~ sho~~~~

it was so clear. so brilliant.

but hey, taken with a grain of salt it could be - if i didn't have to go to lectures during the day.

threat of a nuculer war

2006-10-17T01:17:00.000-07:00

is it just me, or does W. always say nuculer when he talks about nuclear weapons?

some people~

2006-10-14T05:12:00.000-07:00

rectal pain; pt. inserted Phenergan suppository still in foil; friend attempted removal with chopsticks; r/o perforation

some people~ they just do the darnest things.

LOST

2006-10-11T00:17:00.000-07:00

it's been 3 weeks since the quarter started, and i'm already counting down the # of weeks until finals. i guess it's a sign.

Currently Watching: Lost Season 1 DVD - I finally started watching the show at the nudging of die-hard lost fans. I don't like how they portrayed the korean couple so stereotypically, a type that hasn't really existed in the mainstream korean culture for the last 30 years or so. but hey it's hollywood. they screw up everything and still manage to keep most of it entertaining. what can i say, they have the money. i have student loans to pay back.

Currently Writing: my lab report. i should've taken this lab course 2 years ago. procrastination never dies.

circadian rhythming

2006-09-30T01:28:00.000-07:00

isn't it ironic that i've missed my first three lectures on circadian rhythms because of my 10-12hr graveyard shifts?

2006-09-12T22:25:00.000-07:00

so i finally got everything smoothed out with my bike. SI SENORITA! MUY FELIZ! so far so good. no problems other than spewing out tons of smoke from the exhaust. but it's all gone now. i'm just glad i was able to finish two things i set out to finish this summer: my bike repair so i can go places to get things done, and working enough to pay off my medical bills and fall quarter's tuition.

anyways. last night and tonight - both crazy. i'm starting to wonder if the lunar myth is true. people are POURING into the ER.

show me the money!

2006-09-02T21:55:00.000-07:00

After coming home from work at around 4:30am last night, I did what's usual these days and stayed up for one more hour or so reading up on some physiology materials. And then when I crashed, I had my dream again. It's very jumbled, but I remember re-experiencing my accident from last year. Kinda disturbing, but I think I'm anxious about getting back on my motorcycle again soon. I'm going to be riding at 40 mph on the fwy for the next several months just to get a feel for the bike post-repair.

For the better part of the day, however.. I went to the Del Mar horse race tracks today with some co-workers (my first time going) for a workparty and won $1400 with a $12 bet on a race. SWEETTTTT. I'm gonna buy me some time at Cheetahs!

It's only 10:21pm, and with only 3 hours of sleep in two days, I'm overdosing myself with caffeine already. ERGHH. Fortunately, it's not so crazy today here at work.

it's been a lowng lowng time~

2006-08-09T22:18:00.000-07:00

i haven't touched this for over a month. been busy trying to study and work about 50 hours a week. actually, i wouldn't have updated today if it weren't for this. i was reading a patient's history from yesterday, and couldn't help it.

History: ABDOMINAL PAIN x 2 MONTHS PT'S. EX-GIRLFRIEND STATES PT'S. "BALLS ARE HARD" (RIGHT TESTICLE)

ya gotta love that. i love working here.

hello

2006-07-01T02:48:00.000-07:00

haven't written in a while. a lot has happened during the last two weeks. delved into mcat books, spent some quality time with my brother up in orange county, and worked my ass off at work. well. i'll be working a whole lot more next week - 6 days, including independence day! i won't be celebrating my freedom. if it weren't for that bonus, i'd be an unhappy employee that day. we're already being slammed with an increase in cases during the night and i can only imagine the tidal wave that will hit on july 4th.

basically, took my brother around, acting as his chauffeur (praying that he'll get his license fast), taking him to his sat tutors, etc, all that. i see quality in that, and i mean that in a non-sarcastic way. we've been through a lot, and regretfully, not all of them were together as brothers since i left for college at the time of our parents' split. now that i'm almost out of school (before med school), i can try to spend more time with him, but he'll be off to college soon too. ha. all in all, good stuff.

i watched a few movies too.

- blow (yeah, i'm a little late)
- click (adam sandler grew up. somewhat. naw.)
- superman returns (highly anticipated this one. i was a big fan and i frequently read comic books - among other forms of media - when i came to the states as a kid. i liked the darker nature of the film compared to christopher reeve's superman)

on a much sadder note, i was going out for work today when i noticed that my usual route was cordoned off by police tapes. there was a biker lying on a stretcher, covered with a sheet. his motorcycle was in several pieces and there was a pickup truck next to one of them. now, thanks to the weather these days, i see a lot of riders getting out there without their jackets and opening up their throttles with little restraint. i always tell my brother how ridiculous it is that they play with their lives like that. taking the detour, i thought to myself that it's probably a squid (no protection/high speeds/carelessness) due to more than a little amount of blood at the scene and took to the freeway. a few hours later at work, i learned that the guy who died is a friend of mine from jr.high/high school. sigh. he didn't even have a permit and he was racing down a busy local street. apparently, he hit a pickup making a turn out of a street and flew off, possibly hitting another vehicle or going under. he recently came back from iraq, and probably felt invincible after surviving his tour of duty. i've actually heard quite a few of these stories recently on my motorcycle forums - young vets coming home from iraq, buying a fast bike, and dying. it's ironic. something tells me that they should be valuing their lives more after what the've seen over there, but i guess not. RIP.

before i sign off, i'd like to add that riding a motorcycle is not as dangerous as people make it out to be. sure, it's dangerous, but most of the riders i see that get killed are people who let their adventurous parts get the better of them. a majority of riders i know, in fact, have been riding for close to a decade. it all comes down to how you learn and what kind of attitude you approach the sport with. so for all of you riders out there, beginners or more advanced, please, respect the law and always, ALWAYS be aware of your surroundings.

something from my anatomy class the other day.

2006-06-13T16:57:00.000-07:00

it's already in my plans. 3 more days! i just wanted to share these pictures. my anatomy instructor borrowed my key-drive the other day to put up a presentation about Hep. C and cirrhosis and left these pictures in it along with his entire presentation file.

two down. three to go.

2006-06-13T16:33:00.000-07:00

after this week's over and next week's gone by, this is what my liver will look like (bottom. top may be something i may never get to have again already.)

i am now done with two of my harder finals - pharmacology and biology of cancer. i don't understand why they call it that and not oncology. it's shorter and doesn't require a preposition. well. i'm done with those.

now i have my some abdominal studying to do and 10 pages of paper to write on Afghanistan, Lebanon, and Palestine. what about them, i don't really know yet, but i'm sure i will know something by the time i turn the paper in at 3 tomorrow. ah, proscrastination - the theme of many people's lives these days at ucsd, and i've reserved a special place for it in my life as well.

studying for pharmacology

2006-06-12T01:52:00.000-07:00

going strong (?) in my quest for pharcological knowledge listening to my head-banging tunes. yes.

i can't believe i know so much about drugs now. i feel smarrrt. and i'm sure i'll forget most of them by this friday when i'm done with finals and passed out on my air mattress, which is already leaking by the way. freakin' target.

Currently Listening To:

Velvet Revolver - Slither
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Whatever Happened To My Rock 'n Roll
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Dani California
Stevie Ray Vaughn - Voodoo Chile
AC/DC - Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap
Creedence Clearwater Revival - Fortunate Son

and now! back to morphine and all that good stuff..

staff appreciation

2006-06-07T22:54:00.000-07:00

i just got 4 free amc movie tickets at work. aww. now, that makes the next week and a half seem worth all the toiling.

work is going really slow today. no big traumas, nobody getting hurt. all's well with the in-patients. well. mostly. i'm sitting here reading one of my textbooks studying for finals, and guess what? it's almost 1am. 2 more hours to go! and i'm off to get some good night's sleep.

i've been thinking about the MCAT. sure, i'll spend my summer studying for it as much as i can, but it seems like if i take the august sitting, it'll be one of those "oh i shouldn't have done it" kinda thing. i just have too many things on the list to take care of. while i am still considering the possibility of being able to study for it to my satisfaction, i'll just have to see how things fall into place as the finals week comes to an end.

4 movie tickets! that's the way to start my summer. yeeeeeeah.

i think it's that time of the year

2006-06-01T17:26:00.000-07:00

it's that time of the year when i begin to feel frazzled out of my brain and spine. it's only topped off nicely this year by the fact that it's spring quarter of my senior year. i've always had this back problem that bugged me, and my parents taking me to chiropractors or acupuncturists didn't help a lot, if at all. (Shh,,, i don't trust them.) so i say screw that, and i'm going to go get an MRI as soon as time allows. it began with the loudest and temporarily immobilizing crack in my thoracic region back when i was in 8th or 9th grade. now, had i KNOWN the importance of telling an embellished patient history back then, i'd have done so and strongly refused to go to anyone with nothing less than an MD. now, i'm not out to get all the chiropractors and acupuncturists out there, but the acupuncturist, without any medical knowledge of the spine, simply "tweaked" my c-spine and told me i was fixed. THAT, is quackery.

well, i guess being a full-time student working close to 40 night hours a week and sometimes more isn't going to help. it makes me wonder, though, if this is any indication that for the sake of my back, i shouldn't become an ER doc. i figure by that time, i won't at least be doing the double full time status thing (...right?) even though technically, you're still a student when you're a resident, reading whever your eyes are open, working about 90-100 hours a week? or maybe i'm just spouting some greatly innocent and optimistic view of residency right now, being a mere underling of the underlings of the underlings, waaaaaay back down on the ladder of ranks just at the tip of "Whining Undergraduates."

to some it up in a rather simple way, there are days when i look at my bookshelf and feel like selling all of my books, the bookshelf, the desk, the computer, etc, collect the cash, buy a nice longboard, and live the surfer life out here in san diego.

"Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a starter home. Choose dental insurance, leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose your future. But why would anyone want to do a thing like that?" - Trainspotting, 1996

but that question, i've already answered. everytime i work, volunteer, study, or watch Trauma: Life In The E.R. (HA!!), I feel the gears pushing harder.

check your work schedule

2006-05-26T02:02:00.000-07:00

i just looked at my work schedule, and found out i'm scheduled to work both days of the weekend this week. BOO HOO.

just jottin', or typin'

2006-05-25T05:01:00.000-07:00

So it's downtime at work, and I've just about finished catching up on one week of my "biology of cancer" lecture. It's going slow here today, thank God, so now I'm sitting here with my favorite MCAT book open. And then I thought I'd drop by here. As it happens at 5 in the morning, weird, random thoughts began seeping through into my brain just now. So I posted up a pic of my favorite jet - one I'd like to have flown if my sights passed the exam and I was able to get the coveted pilot slot in ROTC. Eh, they're taking them out of service now anyways. toMCAT. MCAT. A big. HA. Ha. Humor me. For those that are lost, the jet pictured above is the F-14 Naval Fighter, affectionately called the Tomcat. Man, I need to sleep.

So Memorial Day weekend is coming up. AH, finally I get to go home and get some descent food. I've come to miss Korean food very much. No work this Saturday! That means a full, 3-day wknd~!

4banger

2006-05-19T16:32:00.000-07:00

i have a 4-banger week this week. in trauma terms, that means the injured patient has 4 body parts that need to be examined. or probably hurt. hopefully not, but probably. i use the term to describe a 4-day week at work, each shift being about 12 hours long overnight. and this week's a 4-banger. i've been through 3 so far. one more tomorrow night.

i don't know if my grades have suffered because of this, more because they aren't being finalized just yet (3 more weeks to burn it all down and try to bring them up to the big 4.0). they certainly aren't the best they could have been. during the 7 weeks of this quarter, dealing with early ass morning classes that start at 730 right after work, 5 classes, and all those double negatives (this is the bad part, no the other two, ergh!) in my bioethics texts, i never really thought about the passing time. if i think about it now, it feels like it's been only 3 weeks. another thing that occurred to me is that by the end of this quarter (or semester for some of you), most of my friends will have graduated. i'm still chuggin' along. HOOOO_AHH!

if it were me in freshman year writing this, it would have been IMPOSSIBLE to leave out any complaints. now, it's more sarcasm that kind of saves me from all the wacko stuff. i know there are pre-meds who sliiiiiide along life with their undergraduate years and graduate years (whatever that brings, pain/suffering/death or pure medical bliss) with relative ease, with no years in between, and that's all good. prior to recent days, that always troubled me. especially when i heard those people talk about how they don't understand why some people work so much instead of focusing on their studies, getting into med school was hard, but now it's almost over since they've had 30 interviews and hopefully they'll get in, etc. along the way, i let that get a hold of me during the earlier years, tried to keep up by taking the same amount of classes while working twice as more, and admittedly, crashed and burned during some quarters. but practice makes perfect, or at least better, since now i feel like i can handle all of that. i just hope i can transfer most of my college experience into the application. with numbers being the modality of choosing med students these days, it kinda sucks, but as i said, I'M A-CHUGGIN' ALONG.

SO. WITH THE quarter coming to an end and finals in my 3-week sight, I need to start studying. And you know what's in my 3-month sight? That's right. the BIG. BAD. MCAT. i think it's exactly 3 months. that's it. before i start making sound a little too emo.

IT AIN'T OVER UNTIL THE FAT LADY SINGS.

Alarm Clock 2 To The Rescue

2006-05-08T01:55:00.000-07:00

if you are a mac user, this might help you wake up in the mornings - Alarm Clock 2

1. Set your alarms once

Set as many alarms as you want
Set repeating alarms or one-time alarms

2. Wake up in style

Wake up to any song, playlist or podcast in your iTunes libaray!
Wake up peacefully with "easy wake" - a configurable option that slowly increases the volume of your alarm over time
Can wake your computer from sleep
You can even hit snooze with your apple remote!

Best of all - it's free. Sweeeeeeet..

a multi-tasker's computer. truly.

2006-05-07T17:29:00.000-07:00

pretty slow day. or should i say a day gone by in waste. i really need to get a new alarm clock or set up an effective alarm system on my mac. the cheap one i bought at target is already broken - the alarm goes off for a mere second and then turns off.

one more thing to place on the "things worth higher investment" list. lesson learned - don't try to save money by buying $5 alarm clocks.

i run so many applications at once and scramble through them at such lightning speeds that i'm beginning to feel the lag.

gotta grab some food (brunner) before work starts for the night. so far, i've touched my sociology paper with a 10-foot pole. a lot of good that did.

Currently Listening To - Confessions (Special Edition) by Usher

@!!!#)(@&#(&%@###@!@!!!!!

2006-05-05T09:23:00.000-07:00

just came out of my pharmacology final and, to my disappointment, it rained crap this morning. most of the specific drug questions were on things i didn't anticipate.

!@$!@*&(*&A*&(!@*$&F@#@!

oh well. at least i got my voice recorder back. the final, i shall ace.

so begins my weekend.

M.D. Algorithm

2006-05-01T19:46:00.000-07:00

I didn't know it was that simple.

I guess that puts me where I've been wanting to go.

Muhahaha!

2006-05-01T16:29:00.000-07:00

I'm sure this is a bit old, but it seems that I'm one of those late-comers on this one. Being the Super-Mac-Apple-PowerPC G4 fan that I am, I had to put it up.

All those years of blue screens and ctrl-alt-del's before 2004, here's to you, Bill Gates.

Currently Reading - Lange's Basic & Clinical Pharmacology

Lange texts are great. I am in love with'em. Menage-a-quatre, so far.

philosophy of crap

2006-04-27T17:23:00.000-07:00

i picked up a course on bioethics this quarter because i thought that it will offer practical insights into the issues of euthanasia, abortion, patient confidentiality, etc in the practice of medicine. instead, i'm getting a bunch of "if aliens that look like us came to earth and started a war..." and "if a famous violinist was abducted at night and was forcibly connected to another person requiring his kidneys for 9 months..." scenarios. and me thinks this is just BS and a waste of my time.

and what of all the unnecessary double negatives?

"...however, a just law and a decent medical ethic cannot delimit permissible killing by limiting its prohibition to 'direct killing' (or 'direct abortion'). For this would leave unprohibited the cases where indirect killing is unjust (e.g. because it could have been delayed until the time when the unborn child would survive the operation..."

maybe it's my 4 years as a science major, but my trip to the medical section of our bookstore proved me right. bioethics books, written by actual MDs and not by freakin philosophers, are more straight forward about the same issues. they probably saved me a couple tylenols and hours.

one paper (or to be more specific, a suicide note) that i... actually, i was going to write "enjoyed the most," but that doesn't sound right. i had the impression that this suicide note, only about 4 pages long and actually written in the spoken language, is to-the-point and delivers to the reader a first-person point of view of how it feels to be in the middle of a debate between philosophers who're comfortably sitting in their chairs sipping coffee talking about the "unbearable pains" paraplegics have to endure.

it's written by a guy named Chris Hill, who, it turns out, used to be an avid motorcyclist and a fancier of venture sports, among other great things in life, like menage-a-trois and orgies. hm. never tried those. reading his words made me think back to when i was injured in my motorcycle accident and couldn't walk, much less do any of the other things i enjoyed doing, like rock climbing or even simple hiking. i still can't run. Hill says that although there are people who live on with conditions like his, he just can't, considering that he defined his life with the joys that he got from his various activities. he says something like "i worked to live, and didn't live to work." ok, so i'm not a paraplegic, and i'm sure the tear in my achilles tendon is not a thousandth as bad as his injuries. but the feeling of not being able to do the things he once did without the slightest difficulty, i can understand a bit. if the guy was a couch potato prior to his accident, then it wouldn't have a difference as much.

anyways, the first midterm for this biothics course is coming up, tomorrow, and then, two midterms next week. one after that. and another the week after. let the trials begin.

Currently Reading - American Dynasty: Aristocracy, Fortune, and the Politics of Deceit in the House of Bush by Kevin Phillips

so far, i like how the author puts pieces of history together all the while not turning into an extreme left-winger. winger. wanger. we'll see how the whole book turns out.

bahh. masochist.

2006-04-18T02:52:00.000-07:00

i get clumsy when i get sleepy.

that is why i just splashed a cup of hot, boiling water on my forehead right now while making some tea to stay up at work. ahh.

so as i sit here peeling my boiled skin off, let me say that the thing that frustrates me more is making mistakes. i hate making mistakes, although i smile things off most of the times and just say it won't happen again, which i mean with all due seriousness. particularly when the doctor sends off this "dude, you suck" vibe. grr~ the funny thing is, which brings me to the title of this entry, i hate it and like it at the same time. it's what gets you moving. so i decided, when i become a resident or chief resident or attending or whatever, i'll be a jackass to my subordinates during work, and you know, maybe buy them a nice big cake after work or something. it's called loving discipline. how's that.

oh wait, was that what my parents said?

i saw a case of some 10yr boy involved in a motorcycle accident earlier tonight. i don't know what the hell he was doing on a motorcycle at 1 in the morning, but his name was Daht Hertz. poor guy. there was an anterior column fracture (or more) in his lower T-region. now, i forget exactly what my neuropath/surg professor said during lecture last week, but i think that kid probably has some metal up his back now. nice.

tsk tsk.

2006-04-15T11:56:00.000-07:00

it's one thing to misunderstand each other. a whole other to accuse.

the great symbol

2006-04-11T04:53:00.000-07:00

wow. talk about phallic symbols, eh? Mr.Oudega, my English teacher back in high school, would be thrilled. that guy was always into symbolism, with particular emphasis on caves and the eiffel tower. this one comes with a bonus - a giant condom.

though not scheduled, i ended up coming into work today because the person scheduled today was confused with the new system, or he wasn't informed about the change. it kinda sucks for me, but at the same time, it's an opportunity for me to pick up on things so i can get up to speed on things around here. i've seen some interesting cases too. a few gun shot wounds. several stupid bikers. WITHOUT HELMETS sometimes. what can ya say. there will always be idiots. sigh.. it's so sad how little things that could've been prevented are not taken care of, and people end up hurting themselves.

you know, i've been trying to include some workout time in my week about every other day, and it's been working. a new system i came out with, after months of laziness/weight gain/bleh following my accident - reading on while cycling. let's see how long that lasts. haha..

i'm tired. i can't afford to miss today's lectures, like i did yesterday. i missed my favorite lecture. MAN. bioethics! (if the sarcasm doesn't flow through, i'm just really sleepy right now. the machinery's slowing down). but seriously. midterms/papers will be starting towards the end of next week. i can't fall behind.

party-ho~

2006-04-09T14:10:00.000-07:00

sitting at roma. again. i don't know what it is with this place, but i'm here so often. it's because of subway, i tell ya. got a good deal today with one of those buy one get one free coupons. loozaw. anyways, i'm trying out this garlic bread they just started offering, and i feel like i should be writing some critique. well. i shall. someday. when i have the time.

probably 99 times out of 100, i find myself saying i'll do something and crapping out with the same'ol excuse. I DON'T HAVE THE TIME. why? because of studying. or work. either one. sigh.. it's just sad. in the end, there's only one pre-med life, no matter how much you try to delude yourself into thinking otherwise.

last night's party was alright. not as good as the last, but hey. there were beers. thanks melissa/susan/minsi. if there was one thing about the party i can correct, it'd have to be the lack of guinness, but that's okay. you girls didn't know. i guess it wasn't really my day. i played two games but ended up losing both. both of'em i came up with the idea of some punishment. the whiskey, i can take, but dancing to n'sync just wasn't my thing. sorry. maybe next time.

so while melissa and i sat there playing jenga pre-party, we started talking about work/medschool stuff, 'cause somehow, for pre-meds, it always turns out that way. so here's the conversation out of context.

me: so yeah, i've just been working. 7p-7a.
mel: what? no way.
me: no, really.
mel: do you go to school?
me: uh, yeah..? (wait, do i go to school?)

at the moment, i was kinda confused because i could remember more of what happened at work than at lectures the past week. that is why today, i'm here at roma, on campus, re-affirming my student status to myself. shiznit..

on another note, i was browsing through the rewards section of the american express website. of all the listed items, i could only find three "reasonable" rewards.

1. a water vacuum - because it would be so DARN awesome to spill water in the garage and suck it up with a loud-ass machine. repeat.

2. $100 Roy's Hawaiian Fusion Restaurant certificate - in keeping up with the unrealistic goal of visiting non-fastfood eateries in san diego. i copied this from minsi, a friend of mine who also has unrealistic goals and intentions. in food and other areas of life.

3. a racquetball set - 2 balls, a racquet, protective eye-wear and a bag. i am the undisputed champion of racquetball. it is only fitting that i have a professional set of my own, instead of having to rent it from rimac all the time.

so basically, i realized a water vacuum would be a stupid choice, in the end. what the hell would i do with that anyways. as a kid, i used to use the vacuum hose to make my dog's hair stand up, or to suck his tail into the hose. i was mean. but do realize that i was a kid. please. so, going back to my reasoning, since i'm not a kid anymore, i wouldn't really need the watervac.

#2 - roy's. why not get it and save it for a next date? i really should, but my planned abstinence does not end until june. it's marked right there on my calendar. june 16th. i probably won't have anybody riding on the back of my bike after i come clean about my accident anyways. FUCK IT.

so i just got the racquetball set. and realized too late that the king of racquetball has not had any time for his game in the last 4 months. will he make it back to the spotlight? we'll just wait and see. the last/best record still stands. 100:53.

morning!

2006-04-07T06:47:00.000-07:00

24 hours and counting.

i'm starving. i feel like downing some meatball sub from subway. mm.mmm. sounds so good. as soon as i get off work, i have a class from 7:30 to 9. then i figure i need to get some shut-eye and then go to my 2nd lecture from 12-1p. this SUCKS. (bang bang head on the desk) i just spent nearly all of my first big-ass paycheck on paying off bills. YESSS!!! no, not really.

but the future looks bright for this courageous pre-med student, stupid enough to get back on his motorcycle and strong enough to handle day school and night work. HOOAHH. by the way, i JUST found out through GruntDoc's site that in going through HSPS, the military medical education finaid program, you may be delayed from getting a spot for residency. Doesn't sound all that great to me. I'm now rethinking this whole thing. Sigh..

I'm gonna go eat some subway and think about it sitting through pharmacology.

anti-immigration

2006-04-01T13:20:00.000-08:00

protesting against the bill making illegal immigrants felons, even those who help them? i thought illegal immigration is illegal, or against the law. apparently, i don't watch the news enough to know what these protestors are trying to say, or they just don't have that strong of an argument in this debate. true, they provide vital services to many communities here in the u.s., but if they just go out there and march, saying
"we're people too," it doesn't do anything. i've seen so many hispanic workers working at government buildings, and it doesn't look like the government will be so able if they started kicking people out. or putting them in jails.

hot women

2006-03-30T04:42:00.000-08:00

1. Sharon Stone
2. Naomi Watts
3. Audrey Tautou
4. Natalie Portman
5. Rebecca Romjin
6. Rachel McAdams

just thought i'd share. i don't know why. oh. right. i was watching the commercial for basic instincts 2 on tv while at work. how sharon stone looks like THAT at her age (48), i will never know.

tick tock tick tock

2006-03-23T23:50:00.000-08:00

i couldn't resist. while reading about t-cell activation, my hands just moved by themselves onto the keyboard, and typed in blogger.com. and i arrived at this juncture. 8 hours left. that's what i have. until my last final of this very tough quarter. post-prandial drowsiness dragged me back a bit, but my brain is still going at it with all the LPS's, Mannoses, N-formylthionines, etc. Whee.

according to the guy who always talks to us at 11:30p in the library (his voice just tunes in on all of us...), today's word of the day is: CHEWBACCA. and if i shout it out as i walk out of this hellhole, i'm supposed to have 24 hours of good luck. 24 hours will do. i can't wait till i go to work. eh?

immunology is boring. endocrinology and physiology rock. hoora for the nerd.

IDIOT

2006-03-19T18:53:00.000-08:00

i lost 1300 in cash this morning. i'm an IDIOT! ahRRRHHHHHHGHH. AHHHHHHHH! (banging head on the table and distracting everybody from studying their o-chem, polisci, econ, engineering, etc, whatever). But seriously. I can't focus. Cuz I'm an idiot. I can't help it. Okay I didn't "lose" it lose it. I bought my train ticket at the station, went to the waiting area, sat down, and noticed that my bagpack's zipper was open. AHH...

finals finals finals

2006-03-17T18:28:00.000-08:00

found this while contemplating the wonders of thyroid hormones. hilarious clip of pacman being chased by a ghost in a school library.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T073-i9zyR4&feature=Views&page=1&t=t&f=b

the illusions of the "other" pre-med life

2006-03-14T17:33:00.000-08:00

what was i thinking when i came up with that title for my blog? haha. maybe it was a genuine attempt to live a moment of freedom from all the hours of studying, working, studying... working... :)

actually i've had the opportunity to do a lot of different things during my 4 years of college. and experience a lot of things life sorta just threw at me. but that's life. i have faith that in the end, all those things will work together to help me do my work.

man, i'm pooped. is it the weather? no. just my discipline's been down for a day. bad steve. took a nap for what seemed like 2 hours, but it actually turned out to be only 30 minutes. made a bowl of spaghetti. a nasty sour meat sauce from vons. but food is food, right? gotta replenish those carbs and proteins, so i took my big container of cottage cheese and sat there eating it with some strawberry jam. it never occurred to me that i'd do this when i first saw someone doing it, but i picked it up after my jr.high p.e. teacher, who used to eat that thing like he was drinking water. it's actually pretty good. and i believe my next step will be to dig up some juicy worms in the mountains and eat them for outdoor survivaal training.

i'm gonna be working again tonight - from 7p-3a. i'll have to concentrate and study whenever i get the chance. i have the same work schedule from today until friday this week. so... huh. good luck to me. got an endo final on tuesday and an immuno final on thursday. thank GOD i'm done with my acting final.

i finished reading "Gifted Hands" by Cecil Murphey this morning. it was a short read, and i really admire dr.carson, although i never really heard of him before, i gotta say. (just happened to walk by the book at barnes & noble) after reading the story, i imagine that his life wasn't as easy as the book makes it sound. it couldn't have been that simple. but if he had any part in helping to write the book, it's probably his perspectives in life that had that kind of an influence.

well. c'est ca pour aujourd'hui. a tout a l'heure.

CURRENTLY LISTENING TO: 3 O'Clock Blues (ft. Eric Clapton) - B.B. King

addendum to Mar5 entry - more about healthcare

2006-03-09T14:33:00.000-08:00

dr.rangel's post on "right vs. entitlement" caught my eye today so i'm posting the LINK HERE. thought some of you might be interested.

he writes...

"Even though few Americans make the effort to know all 45 words of the First Amendment by heart most have at least a vague sense of their "rights" in the form of freedom from government interference in their lives. So it is very unlikely that our present day Congress would be able to pass such an unconstitutional law as the 1798 Sedition Act. Yet our horribly inexact knowledge of our "rights" helps to explain the wide support for such misguided proposals like the so called Flag Burning Amendment or the sad fact that about half of Americans actually believe that our rights go too far (a common occurrence in time of war)."

"With so few Americans knowing what their rights are and not even understanding what the concept of "right" means, it worries me when I see surveys like this one that found that 77% feel that health care should be a right guaranteed by the government. But health care is not a "right". Health care is an entitlement in this sense. It worries me that people use "right" and "entitlement" so interchangeably."

that's about it for this. no time. i gotta go start studying for finals. and eat some ramen. oh yeah. there goes my first new year's resolution. down the drain. by the way, i amaze myself with the amount of caffeine i consume these days. i think i drank about 6 cups/cans of coffee/soda per day for the last week or so. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

43

2006-03-07T14:11:00.000-08:00

the events which occur happen during the hours of 2pm to 2pm, Sunday through Tuesday.
these eevents occur in real time.

beep... beep... beep... bip bip bip beeeeeeep.....

the last two days have been one of those occasional long periods of my life.

was up in orange county Fri-Sun. Began studying at god-knows-when, and slept from 12am-5:30am on Monday morning. Took the first train out of Fullerton down to Solana Beach, transferred to the 101 and got to campus by 9:20am. Had class from 10am-11am, listening to my professor "um" the whole way through - again, and went to schedule my work hours for the new job. came out and studied for a bit. practiced for our final scene showing.

i tried to do more studying but pretty much just sat there trying to organize the thoughts in my head. so many bills are overdue because i've been unemployed for a while and it's stressing the crap outta my brain or whatever's still functioning correctly.

blah blah blah. i'm not bauer forget about the details. it's boring anyways. so i took the midterm today, went back home quickly to grab my suit for the scene, came back and did the showing. forgot a key point in the scene. damn it. sigh..

anyways, i have work from 7p-2a tonight. so i don't know why i'm even on this thing tryping. i've been up for 43 hours. gonna take a nap for 4 hours and go to work. HOOORAH!

apathy

2006-03-05T02:23:00.000-08:00

one of my recent realizations is that people here in the u.s. largely tend to be ignorant. note the generalization and forgive me if you are one of the truly educated few. stop me when i start sounding like a jackass. and i say recent, because even though i've always felt this draining sense of apathy from some people, i've always had hopes that as i move up the ladder in the academic world i'd meet more of those who are willing to step out of their boundaries to get to know people, cultures, and ultimately the underlying working that make this world turn. it turns out, my estimated numbers are far too high to be realistic.

so anyways, i did a search on google. i typed in "ignorance in the world" (or something to that point, i forget) to start from the biggest possible herd of ignorants in the world, and third down the list, i got this. WHOLE ARTICLE HERE.

"Eric Ransdell, a foreign correspondent for nine years in Africa and Asia and currently a documentary filmmaker living in Shanghai, China, blames the American education system for producing know-nothing citizens, people who in turn are unlikely to protest the decline in news coverage of foreign affairs. Recent surveys by such institutions as Harvard and the University of Maryland show that reporting on world events has dramatically shrunk in both the print and broadcast news media."

"For decades we've been reading about how American schoolchildren can't find Mexico or Canada on a map, and yet nothing seems to change," says Ransdell. "These people who don't know the difference between Switzerland and Swaziland then become the main consumers of news. And in poll after poll they tell us that they want less foreign news and more of what I call 'selfish journalism' -- which stocks to buy, sex and beauty tips, 10 steps to a healthier colon and so on. It becomes this horrible feedback loop where people are sent out of our schools in a state of complete ignorance of the rest of the world and then, maybe because they're embarrassed, clamor for even less information on something they know almost nothing about."

this is really something of interest. well. at least to me. but then again, i have this godforsaken immunology midterm to study for, and at this point, i could care less about what all those interferons do, where the anchor residues are for peptide/MHC interactions, and all those tiny bits of details about the basis of graft rejection. so i'm going to do neither. i need to sleep, damn it. monday, i'll be auditioning for a part in our school's upcoming asian-american theatre festival. i have NO IDEA about what's happening. it's my first time auditioning since my last attempt was foiled by fate (aka flying off the bike at a really high speed). let's just hope my acting course got me prepared. oh and i gotta prepare for my theatre final too. grrr...

do'er.

2006-02-28T19:51:00.000-08:00

"Too many people spend their time praying for mountains of difficulty to be removed when what they really need is courage to climb them."

after checking out the night-shift last night and waiting for my friend to pick me up, i noticed this small post on the parking permit machine of the lot i was in. and over the course the day today, the question in my head was - am i a watcher or a do'er?

well. i'm not a knower. that's for sure.

i don't know. i think i'm about 80% do'er but still about 20% watcher. and in my book that i don't follow but have written in so far, that is not efficient. any other thoughts on this will come soon in a followup post, since my immunology book beckons me to come. aha~ i may just be a do'er.

Currently Reading: such and such about MHC Isotypes. I AM RIGHT ON SCHEDULE! who am i kidding.

manifestation

2006-02-25T10:50:00.000-08:00

it's been 3 days since i went to see an opthalmologist. i haven't gone blind yet, and that's good. but my worries about it still linger in the back of my head.

a week ago, when i was practicing for my acting scenes, i started losing my vision. it started phasing out in the central region, and although it was limited from anymore spread after blocking out about a third of my view, i couldn't see the head of a little girl that was walking up in front of me (i started walking up to CLICS because i thought i just need to sit somewhere and rest). and then my peripheral vision started fluttering. i couldn't even see out to the sides! ok, so that pretty much freaked me out. it lasted for about 30 minutes, so i decided to take a nap. it's interesting how i didn't just run for the e.r. aha! i couldn't see! no point in trying to get to a hospital if i can't see. well that's just my excuse for being stupid and not seeking care immediately.

well anyways. i took an hour-long nap and when i woke up, it'd gone away. a few days of tylenol popping and nothing seemed to recur. and then i was in the shower one morning and i got the blinding thing happen again. this time with bleeding from the nose. OMG. man, i started imagining the possibilities. my endo professor always talks about pituitary tumors that could compress the optic chiasma, blah blah blah, and cause blindness. or how about arteriovenous malformation/AVM? oh GOOD GAWDDD.

okay, so putting my medical fears aside, i went to the opthalmology dept at a local medical center. upon examination of my eyes, not my brain, they said everything looks good. it could just be a physical manifestation of stress. or just a symptom of migraine. whatever man. i have AVM. it's less likely to be a pituitary tumor because i don't have any symptoms of overstimulated glands/overactive hormones, so IT HAS TO BE AVM. i have a tendency for genetic mishaps, you know. like my simian crease, or my overactive IgE's & their eczema friends.

that was just the hyperchondriac in me talking. it's just been really hectic these days ever since the accident. i admit - it's getting better and things are not half as bad as they used to be. after all this is over, i'll be able to look back and say, "wow, i got through it with my sanity intact." you know, at least now i have a job. i'm still kinda stuck in the zone where one big thing is done and i know what to do next, but everything's all jumbled up so i don't know where to start. or my fire for studying has burnt out considering it's almost spring quarter of my senior year. whichever it is, it's not gonna make a difference if i keep whining about it until i have to sit in that chair with an exam packet in front of me.

i think i just need some meditation time. you know, clear my head?

on a side note: i realized that my naruto readings have knocked me off the writing god pedestal. i miss the days of complex writing and thoughtful processes. these days, i feel like i'm barely writing anything. except crap. everytime i go on one of those forums that release new chapters of naruto, i end up reading the posts put up by geeks (who says the guy who goes to the forum just to get new chapters is a geek??) who can't write jack even if their life depended on it. and i think reading those have put me in a situation described by our hero Fry in one of those Futurama episodes.

"Fry: Now he's trapped in a book I wrote. A crummy world of plot holes and spelling errors."

indeed. i decided i will join the naruto-addicts anonymous club. not so anonymous now, IS ITTT? they say the first step to recovery is admission. so, it's good then! and that is my self-deprecating talk of the day, folks. MOVING ON.

Currently Listening To: Better Days by Goo Goo Dolls.

a title so apropos.

new job!

2006-02-23T22:20:00.000-08:00

searching for a job while going to school can be hard. you know, all that multitasking you gotta do.

when your tuition, credit, & nutrition depend on that new job, the job search/school thing becomes waaaaay harder. crap. i missed so many lectures in the last 2 weeks that i don't know what the heck's going on. but then again, now i can put my focus back on school. cuz. you know why? I GOT A NEW JOB!!!

that's right. i am working for a radiology consulting firm now as a radiology assistant. fat paychecks. yeehaw. and there's also that school shuttle driving p/t job that i'll be starting next quarter. anyhow. i must say i'm very relieved. in a month, i'll be resolving a lot of the financial crud that's been piling up in the wake of my accident. blah blah. ciao. ciao.

you can't choose your family. you just gotta deal with the one you have.

Currently Listening To: Waiting by The Devlins

chum chum

2006-02-19T21:49:00.000-08:00

it's 10pm, and i'm getting ready to go back down to sd. gonna try to move my bike today. wait no. tomorrow, bring my desk to my new apt, continue applying for new jobs, and finalize my scene practice for my acting course tomorrow. i'm pondering the possibility of dropping my theatre minor. it's a shame, but i have only 3000 dollars left that i can take out in student loans, and with 4 ge's and 2 stupid practicum classes left to take along with 2 labs i've been pushing waaaaaay far back, i don't know if i can pay for school after my finaid has run out. damn it!

anyways. i recently applied for a radiology tech support job for some company. i hope i get it. it's $17/hr and that's a lot of moolas. i don't have to do any x-rays. that'll come after i've gotten my x-ray tech certificate. this only involves me deliverying radiology results and basically relaying information between lazy radiologists and hospitals. just kidding about the lazy part, in case the radiology doctor i shadow happens to read this.

GOOTTTA go. ciao. chum. chum.

classes classes classes

2006-02-18T13:30:00.000-08:00

so recently, i signed up for my next quarter's classes. here's what i signed up for.

1. Pharmacology
2. Biology of Cancer
3. Arabic Comm & Culture
4. Islam In The Modern World
5. Frontiers of Human Anatomy & Pathology

Here's what I WANTED TO sign up for.

1. Pharmacology
2. Biology of Cancer
3. Arabic Communication & Culture
4. Islam In The Modern World
5. Frontiers of Human Anatomy & Pathology
6. Spanish
7. Egyptology: Pharaohs & Mummies
8. Human Biology & Social Policies
9. U.S. Immigration & Immigrant Cultures
10. SO MANY MORE

Too bad there isn't enough time to take all the classes you want to take. Just like the stomach God gave you sometimes isn't big enough for the buffet line, I guess I gotta cram with the optimal set of choices. Yum.

On another note. A few days ago, I posted up a message on my r6forum asking for advice on how to fix my bike. I asked people to post up a before/after pic of their bikes following the accident. I got some good response, and one user posted up a video clip of his crash. Here it is. The crash itself isn't as bad as what I went through, but the damages somehow came out a lot worse. Well, unless my bike's frame is bent/cracked, which I haven't checked yet. Anyways, here it is.

http://media.putfile.com/5-18-05--The-Wreck_copy

And here's his post-op pic of the bike. I see a glimmer of hope there for me. Yes!

http://onfinite.com/libraries/582692/album/540/405/75b.jpg

my poor r6. i'll resurrect you one day. i promise.

2006-02-12T19:17:00.000-08:00

so it's been about... 3 months since my motorcycle crash in november. in a week it will be. and with my leg still recuperating and hurting like mad from time to time, my r6 is passed out in the garage still. i suppose it's time to start working on it since i am able to lift things of moderate weight now. but i don't think i have the money to fix it all at once. what a pain, huh?

it's worse than rolling really fast on asphalt at 60 mph. no, i take that back. as worse as. i'll say that. i need to get down and dirty with the manual (very thick, let me add) after my immunology midterm next week.

ok, so now that i'm done talking about my bike problems, what's up with the very constrasting weather west-east? global warming is getting a tighter hold on our butts. seriously.